One of the ways I’ve learned to deal with fear is to go to the worst-case scenario. When I’d said something to my boss at work that I felt uncomfortable and anxious about (no matter that it was innocuous, or not even perceptible to the other person), I had to go all the way to, “I’m going to get fired.”

I could then reflect on how I’d feel and what I’d do if I really did lose my job. And the answer was always, “I will be ok.” I knew I had good skills, and with enough effort could find another job. I knew I had friends and family who would love and care for me no matter what. I knew I’d always managed to get through previous crises in my life and survive, even do well. So I knew that if this latest disaster occurred, there were many good things in place in my life that I could rely on.

When I’d gone to the worst place imaginable, and considered the consequences, and realized I’d be ok no matter what, then I could let go of the original anxiety, or at least bring it down to size and deal with it at the right scale.

I have a good friend who does not suffer from anxiety, but who still uses this technique for spiritual growth. He says to himself, “What if I were suddenly dropped in the middle of the street in Brooklyn, in winter, with no clothes, no friends, and no resources?” He considers the worst consequences, how he would feel, and what he would do. After all the imaginings, he comes to the conclusion that he will be ok, because he trusts himself and the universe to take care of his needs.

They do say that facing your fears is the only way to get through them. I have found that to be true in my life. Yet there is much resistance to turning around when that monster is chasing me. I’ll share some things that give me the courage to take a stand against fear.

• Don’t beat yourself up. Accept your feelings, allow them, and reach out for help.
• Reason it out – what in the situation do you have control over? Consider what actions you can take to lessen your anxiety. Let go of others and controlling their behavior, simply look at what you can do to reduce your fear by taking responsible action.
• You cannot make a mistake. Whatever you choose to do about your fear, you can learn from it, and do something different the next time.
• If it’s a problem, it will come up again. You will get another chance to deal with it (oh joy) – so whatever you do, whatever you try, can be seen as an experiment, fodder for learning and trying something different the next time.
• Short-circuit the fear – don’t allow it to spiral down. Make a list of activities that help you feel good about yourself for reference when you’re in fear and can’t think.
• Fear and love cannot exist together. Focus on the love – what gives you joy? Spend time doing it. Think of this as preventive action.
• A problem shared is a problem halved. Call friends, go out with people you trust, find a support group, lean on your support network, talk it out.
• The opposite of fear is faith. Consider prayer and meditation. “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” (Dorothy Bernard)

How do you deal with your rational and irrational fears? Share your experiences here.

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