Photo credit: Gayang3

If you want to change, you’ve got to be willing to try something new. Most of us have some resistance to change, and that’s natural. It’s human nature to make and keep habits, which often serve us well. Where would we be without our morning get-ready-for-the-day routine, our work ethic, our commitment to brushing our teeth every day? We need habits, structure, and organization to keep our lives ordered, productive, and ultimately enjoyable.

And, we have to be careful not to get too stuck in those routines. A routine that gets too comfortable can become unhealthy, whether it’s overeating regularly at meals or exercising too zealously at the gym. If we find we’re adhering to our habits compulsively, it’s probably time to shift gears and rev ourselves out of the rut in the interest of our own growth.

Can you recognize when you’re stuck?

• Are you feeling uneasy inside, but don’t know why?
• Do you keep making what you consider the same mistake over and over but now know what else to do?
• Do you know what behavior you want to change but no matter what you try it persists?
• Do you keep having arguments with a friend or family member that never seem to resolve?

These are all signs that you’re stuck in a habit that needs some attention. Changing the pattern requires willingness to look at it, understand it, and try new ideas to break into new behavior.

How do you know if you’re willing to change?

• Do you feel sick of the same behavior over and over?
• Can you admit it might be something you are doing and look at your own part in what’s happening?
• Try asking yourself what you get out of the stuck behavior and consider whether you can do without the “benefits” or meet the need in a healthier way.
• Can you hear a suggestion that would push you outside your comfort zone and pause to consider rather than just say “no” immediately?
• Can you at least be willing to be willing?

Layers of willingness

Willingness can come in waves and varying degrees. When I was taken to a therapist at age 17, I was not very willing to speak. I did not trust. Over time, and with huge effort, I eventually began to share my pain. Later, in my relationship with the man I almost married, I was willing to explore certain issues in therapy, but not to face the fact that I was in the relationship for security rather than love. In this case, willingness arrived abruptly when I fell in love with someone else and had to tell my truth. As I faced each of my internal barriers, I became more and more willing to do whatever it took to be happier and healthier, and especially to have peace of mind.

What does willingness look like to you? Do you agree that complacency is the enemy of change? If you’re too comfortable in your habits, it could be a sign that you’re ignoring growth opportunities. Tune in to yourself and listen to the urges to break out and try something new.

Stay tuned for more on the 10 traits of personal change:

1. Self-awareness
2. Desire to feel better
3. Belief that it is possible to feel better
4. Rigorous self-honesty
5. Humility
6. Open-mindedness
7. Detachment from others
8. Willingness
9. Persistence
10. Personal responsibility

Next: Persistence

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