The 10 Essential Traits of Personal Change: #5 Humility

Linda Wolf acceptance, attitude, awareness, Gratitude, integrity January 07, 2011 0

Photo credit: Xalamay

This one is tough. How do you know if you have humility? Why is it important?

Last question first: humility is crucial for self-growth because it puts the ego aside. Ego gets in our way by believing it’s perfect already (perfectly wonderful or perfectly awful, take your pick) and by resisting change. Humility is the state of ego-suspension when our minds and hearts can be open to the truth about ourselves. When we are humble, we can hear the good, the bad, and what might benefit from change.

How do you know if you’re humble?

It’s a catch-22. If you think you’re humble, you usually aren’t.

Here’s what it’s not: humiliation. It’s not putting yourself down, believing you’re less deserving than everyone else, or letting others treat you poorly.

You’re more likely to have humility if you practice healthy doses of open-mindedness, willingness, and self-honesty.

How do you get some humility?

Focus on letting go of ego. Signs of ego include:

Comparing yourself to other people and either coming up short or lording it over them
Having to be right in any situation
Blaming others because you can’t possible be in the wrong (the flip side of the last bullet)
Putting yourself down, especially with others, and hoping for negation from them

Develop your open-mindedness, willingness, and self-honesty:

Rather than instantly reject suggestions and new ideas for doing something differently, pause and consider the possibilities
Become willing to hear and try new ideas, or at least willing to become willing
Listen to yourself more closely – if something feels off, wrong, or bad, honor the instinct and delve into the cause

How do you define humility?

Stay tuned for more on the 10 traits of personal change:

Self-awareness
Desire to feel better
Belief that it is possible to feel better
Rigorous self-honesty
Humility
Open-mindedness
Detachment from others
Willingness
Persistence
Personal responsibility

Next: Open-mindedness

No Responses to “The 10 Essential Traits of Personal Change: #5 Humility”

Angela Artemis
January 07, 2011
Linda,
This was wonderful. I think we often overlook the power of being humble. It does, as you say, keep us open to constantly reviewing our growth. When we’re humble we can more easily take stock of where we might need to change, or tweak our approach to things. We can be sorry, and even apologize and move on with our lives more easily. I think being humble makes us more flexible in our thinking too.

When were egotistical we bristle at the slightest hint of being wrong from others. We probably never apologize for anything either. We might feel bad about it inside, but our pride, and fear of being vulnerable keep us from saying we’re sorry.

I think being egotistical keeps others at arms length too. How can you foster true intimacy with someone who isn’t able to admit to being wrong?

Thanks for giving me something to think about – again!
Reply

timethief

January 07, 2011

I just discovered your blog and haven’t read your other posts in this series but I will in the next couple of days. I like where you are coming from and this quote resonates from me:

Humility is the state of ego-suspension when our minds and hearts can be open to the truth about ourselves. When we are humble, we can hear the good, the bad, and what might benefit from change.

I have learned that being humble doesn’t mean that I can’t feel good about myself and my achievements. I have learned that self-esteem is not the same as the flase pride that manifests from an over-inflated ego. The kind of pride that manifests as arrogance is rooted in insecurity.

I believe that we live in societies were competitiveness with and comparison to others and their accomplishments is lauded and applauded virtually from the playpen to the grave. It’s my opinion that we ought to be focus on personal achievement ie. becoming the best “me” that we can individually become. Why? Because it’s impossible to be humble when we’re striving to be the “best” or trying to out-do others. From that objective viewpoint we can then take another step and that’s experiencing joy when witnessing others achieve whatever it is that they set out to do.

wolflinda

January 07, 2011

Dear TimeThief,

So glad you stumbled upon the blog. I love your insights about the best focus for growth being to be the “best me I can be.” Not that I think we should eliminate competition, but I’d prefer to see people learn first to focus on developing their skills and abilities without judgment so they can find their passion and direction. Then from that position of strength, we’d be much better off for competing with others. To define ourselves by how we stack up against others is a recipe for disaster. I think it’s possible to strive to be best at what one does, and still not suffer from ego; it’s all in one’s intent and self-knowledge. Again, when we come from our inner strength and knowledge, we want to become the best at what we do as possible, but the motive is love, not envy or fear. What do you think? (PS, do you have a blog on relationships, etc., or just the technology-focused site?)

Linda

Gail Brenner (AFlourishingLife)

January 08, 2011

I love that you are speaking so beautifully about humility, Linda. When we are willing to let go of our personal selves, to surrender into the limitlessness of the one, to live in not knowing, we are humble. Then life takes over, leading us perfectly, giving us exactly what we need.

For me, humility is the willingness to not believe thoughts, to stay present and allow things to be as they are.

wolflinda

January 08, 2011

Gail,

Brilliant, staying willing is crucial to so many aspects of growth. You remind me that one way to strive for humility is in service to others. My father-in-law recently passed away, and in reflecting on his life, I saw his gifts to me included his deep passion for helping others, being of service. It was his first priority, it gave him meaning. He worked and was there for others until the very day he died. Amazing. He and other examples give me the inspiration to give back for the many gifts I’ve been given in my life. I give because I have enough, without expecting anything back. Thanks for bringing this up. So good to hear from you, and happy new year!

Linda

GabyORourke

January 10, 2011

“…Rather than instantly reject suggestions and new ideas for doing something differently, pause and consider the possibilities …” This is a great quote Linda and for me sums up your idea of suspending your ego long enough to consider other ideas. I also like your comment about admitting when you are wrong, even (or especially) to a child. Perhaps its easier to be humble around people you consider as peers and equals, but far harder to humble yourself in front of others who might consider you to be the more senior or authoritative. Amongst my personal heros and inspirational role models are those leaders who freely admit that they don’t know everything and that they are constantly learning from others despite their perceived success or stature. Humility is not only a key to personal change but is also a very compelling leadership characteristic.

wolflinda

January 10, 2011

Gaby,

You are so right that generally it’s easier to take criticism or realize responsibility with those who are equal or superior to us. But to apologize to a child for our behavior, that takes not only letting go of ego, but really knowing oneself, one’s value, and that no matter how the other responds, we feel good about ourselves. Humility helps me do the right thing, and follow my integrity, when my pride would get in the way. When I used to let pride override, I’d carry around negative feelings, knowing deep inside that I had not behaved as well as I wanted to, but it seemed easier to ignore the situation. Now I’d rather face things head on, no matter how embarrassing or difficult a confrontation might seem. I like your points about good leadership, too, and have noticed that those who lead corporations and are willing to honestly admit mistakes are much more respected than those who would cover things up and deny responsibility. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for humans to put aside their pride. But I guess that’s part of our challenge.

I’m so glad to meet you here, and look forward to future conversations.

Best,
Linda