Get Wise to Changing Your Attitude
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Photo credit: Erica Marshall
In the midst of exploring Techniques for achieving peace of mind through our PACT with ourselves (see last post by Jennifer Smith on How to Build a Peace Habit), a friend of mine shared some thoughts on an earlier post in the series, Want Peace in Personal Conflict? Improve Your Attitude! .
Coming from his Buddhist background, he expanded the chart on old vs. new attitudes with an addition – the “Wisdom” that makes a shift in attitudes possible. Taking on new attitudes mean changing our belief system. Shifting old beliefs is difficult – like the age-old problem of moving a wheel from a rut in the road. It takes new information, practiced over and over again, to make the change happen.
Here’s what he sent me:
| Old Attitude | Wisdom | New Attitude |
| This problem will last forever. | Things are constantly changing | This too shall pass |
| I am in control of things in the present moment | There is no “me” who controls my life in the way that I think there is | I cannot control things in the present moment |
| This unhappy event is so unfair | What is seen and what sees it are devoid of coming from separate karmic seeds | I put this and myself here |
| This person is irritating | Things and people do not have the qualities that I see in them, inherently | This person is kindly teaching me patience |
| Everyone would agree that this problem causes useless suffering | This problem, combined with my attitude about it, make up my experience | I can transform this problem into something useful |
I really liked his approach and decided to apply it to the chart from my original post. The column with bold text is new.
| Old Attitude | Wisdom | New Attitude |
| Blame – Others are entirely at fault for the problem | We are each responsible for our own actions | I could look at my part in this conflict |
| Judgment/Criticism – I’m going to judge others for their behavior and justify my own | I cannot presume to know what others are thinking and feeling, or what their motivations are for their behavior | Others have reasons for the way they act and I could open my mind to consider their viewpoint |
| Self-rightousness – My behavior is justified | Justification is a stubborn attachment to my way of thinking; it does not allow for new perspectives that might help me feel better | I’m not always innocent in my responses and they bear examination |
| Self-flagellation – It’s all my fault | Everyone involved in a conflict plays a role and carry equal responsibility for its outcome | I don’t have to take on responsibility for the whole conflict, just my part |
| Self-judgment – I’m a terrible person, no wonder I get into conflicts | I may make mistakes, but I’m not a mistake; self-forgiveness is possible | I may make mistakes, but it doesn’t make me a bad person; let me look at what’s really happening with this conflict |
| Defeatism – This always happens, what’s the use of trying | My best hope is every bit as likely as my worst fear | If I don’t try to work with people, I’ll never make progress, and I do want more peace of mind, so it is worth it |
Are you willing to consider new wisdom and begin incorporating it into your thinking and behavior? Share examples of how you’ve made shifts in your attitudes and the results you’ve gotten.
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