Photo credit: Darren Hester

The deal on earth is this: We know who we are and what we want to become when we choose parents and take physical form as infants. As we grow into our family and culture, a good many of us lose touch with that pre-knowledge, and become confused about our identity and purpose on earth. We forget what we came here to learn. Forgetting has a purpose, too. It sets up the challenge of remembering.

Did you have a dream when you were a child that you abandoned? I loved animals passionately and wanted to be a vet or a horse trainer, but by the time I was in college, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do or be. With much inner reflection and work on myself, I’ve become clearer in my direction and purpose. Though I don’t work with animals, what I’ve regained from my childhood is a clarity and intensity to pursue what I love and get passionate about it, even if I’m not certain how I’ll get there or even what the ultimate destination is.

Societal messages often tell us to deny our instincts and inner knowledge. Perhaps you relate to hearing things like:

• Don’t feel this, feel that (disconnects us from feelings)
• Don’t be this, be that (impacts identity)
• Don’t do that, do this (leads to loss of integrity)
• Don’t like this, like that (nurtures dependency on others’ opinions)
• Don’t learn this, learn that (tells you to ignore your passions, talents, potential skills)
• Don’t take care of yourself first, take care of others (encourages codependence)

As you can see, we learn good reasons for forgetting our purpose here. But for those who want to remember who you really are, here are some suggestions for rediscovering or further developing the true you.

Make friends with the parts of yourself you have denied

All of us already know what’s best for our health and growth. We just need to get out of our own way, find a path through the barriers we’ve put up between us and ourselves because of societal and family pressure to conform, fit in, meet someone else’s expectations for our own lives.

So get to know yourself again. Start with the basics and work up:

• What kinds of foods are good for your body?
• How much sleep do you need?
• What kind of exercise do you enjoy?
• Do you like yourself?
• What do you find fun?
• Can you give yourself permission to do that?
• What do you love to learn about?
• What you are passionate about professionally?
• What are you looking for in a romantic relationship?
• Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” as you would to a lover, friend, or child?

Remember any dreams you’ve had for your future
From your childhood, adolescence, youth. What did you fantasize about for your life? What gave you tingles and sent you into tizzies of excitement? Do you have dreams today? Try letting yourself float off on wild flights of imagination. What’s the best thing you can imagine for your future? Write it, talk about it, visualize it. Spin a tale. Make it concrete.

Identify the barriers – what’s in your way?
Make a list of the reasons you can’t possibly reach your dreams, or even have dreams. What fears rear up? Do you have guilt? Anxiety? Do you feel you don’t deserve it? Are you afraid of what others would think or say? Are you resistant to change? Does it feel like too much work? Would you rather procrastinate? I find that putting my ugliest thoughts on the table helps me expose them to the light of day and let them go.

Let time be your friend
It took a long time to forget who we really are. If you walk into a forest for 10 years, it will take at least that long to walk out. Don’t expect clarity to come overnight. Give the process time and apply patience to developing the dream and identifying and letting go of the barriers to making it real.

Sharing the journey with friends who understand or who can at least be accepting and nonjudgmental will enhance your effort. Look, too, for structures and processes you can follow to uncover your true self. I’ve found that consistency and persistence pay off, even when it feels like NOTHING is happening.

Share with us who you really are.

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